Dear Seattle

You've been good to me this summer so far. It's a shame I have to leave you when I get on that plane tonight - just when everything was going swimmingly well.

A woman's life is built on a history of affections. I am proud to say that I was in love once; despite the end result. For the past few months I was going through bouts of depression with Fleetwood Mac as company in the background. The loss of anyone that has deeply affected your life is a shame that brings such sorrow. (And no, I am not talking about a boy.)

There is a deep emotional connection among women. That is why I love them. They cry more easily, they get upset, they become self-conscious, and when they love - they goddamn love. There is an intrinsic understanding among all of us that the art of becoming a woman comes with genuine heartache sometimes - whether it is given to us from a man or one of our one.

I am humbled and honored to be among such great women that have taught me well in the verses of affection. I like the word affection. Always have. It's on the same level as 'exhausted'. 'Exhausted' and 'Affection' are both great words. These girls are not just another carbon-copy of Sex and the City. It has become more than that these past few months, and I will miss them dearly.

Someone once told me I would make a great feminist. I hardly believe that.
I just simply don't avert my eyes anymore in a man's world. I am a woman by birth. (Ani DiFranco)

I hope that within the next month, I am able to revamp my fallen spirituality. I hope to rid myself of apathy and never again succumb to the evil traps of my bed and the glory that is instant NetFlix. I hope that when I come back, I am a stronger, well traveled and more educated Asian-American woman. To be given the chance to discover yourself as well as America is a rare and beautiful occurrence. Of course self-discovery can also be seen as bullshit coming from someone in their early 20s' (not even yet) but who honestly gives a shit?

The midwest is foreign to me, as I am to it.






I wish everyone in Seattle fair winds and following seas. I will see all of you in a month and regale you with stories of my tomfoolery in dirty-jazz Chicago bars all the way to the wide open fields of Wisconsin.


-Carolyn

For You

I love how your hands are always covered in paint.

500 Days of You

Lately, I am finding life to be getting more odd by the minute. I am unsure of how to handle things. I am clumsy with my words and my posture - please do not mistake it for charm. I know you are though, despite my indifference. You know, I think Seattle is one of the funniest cities I've ever been to/lived in. In one day, you can meet someone new and spend all day talking to them till midnight while bumping into Mistake #4 sitting outside reading at Cafe Vita. (Yes, you have become nothing more than a funny anecdote I tell people at parties. Be proud, you always make for a good topic of conversation - who else is that crazy??)

Summer school is officially over. I really hope I passed marine bio. Sadly though I only get to spend one week of it celebrating in Seattle. As Christina eloquently calls it.. "The Great American Road Trip" will commence in a week and a half. I CANNOT wait.

Saw the midnight showing of Harry Potter (I never miss a midnight showing). Movie was decent. Awkward, but decent. Jesus Christ though, when did everyone grow up to become xxxtremely hawt?

On the subject of newly released cinema... also just got back from seeing 500 days of Summer tonight. FANTASTIC movie. I recommend it to anyone that is not a robot and can convey basic human emotions: aka laughing and crying. It's a great post-break-up movie for anyone that has gotten out of a life-changing but unhealthy relationship. Though I might get slightly annoyed if The Smiths suddenly makes a 'popular' comeback because of this movie - if you're a loyal fan, you've always been a loyal fan and have never stopped listening to them.

In the past two months, I have met more people in Seattle than I have the past two years of going to Seattle U. Isn't that odd? Why is it that I connect so well with people who DON'T go to SU? Yes, I admit I have my qualms with the SU crowd - but who doesn't?. There is a thick veil that separates me from liking most of the general populous at SU; maybe because I feel disenchanted by their views on certain things and on how they can't seem to handle 'real life' very well. Oh well, I'm glad I'm meeting new people and actually connecting with them. I like being able to talk about LOTR for hours on end and which Wes Anderson film is the best. Silly dumb unpretentious shit that doesn't really matter but ends with the both of us laughing over a cup of coffee. I very much enjoy being around the company of awkward yet amiable people.

Anyway, enough on that topic.

More exciting news though. Will be attending The Treasure Island Music Festival in SAN FRANCISCO come October. VERY EXCITED. To get there... you have to get on a boat to get to the island. FANTASTIC. CAPS LOCK.



Okay, so the lesson(s) of this blog:
-Go see the newest Harry Potter for hot people and because it's Harry fucking Potter
-go see 500 Days of Summer if you need some help recovering from a bad break-up
-be good and do good - despite shitty circumstances. the universe has a funny way of rewarding you.
-everyone loves The Onion. People can talk about that shit for hours.
-listen to Regina Spektor. I find her good summer music accompaniment
-avoid Cafe Vita if you don't want any awkward run-ins
- and last but not least...

always remember that Seattle is a magical city. :)



Peace and love.

fuck

5 more hours until my marine bio final. I am now starting to study for it. fuck.

My nose bled today. It was odd. First time that has happened to me since... well, since, I was a kid really.

My article came out on the Spectator. I like seeing my name in print. It makes me feel important.

You stood me up...? I hate men.

Harry Potter fangirl fanatic has once again emerged from high school years. I told myself to never reveal my true self in college. I am actually a stark-raving mad fangirl. I even wrote fanfiction once. This is why I am single.




I really need to pass this test.

romance

Somewhere I have Never Traveled, Gladly Beyond

by E.E. Cummings


somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

,your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands




one of my favorites. I want someone to say that line to me "nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."

romance isn't poetry or grand gestures. it isn't a trip to Italy or Paris. romance is commitment. it's the throwdown. it is the ugly and everything in between. the sheets. and you showing up at my front door after an argument.






I often forget that this blog is not private.

I am sorry about what went down tonight, with every fiber of my being. Nobody should go through that. Nobody.

You put your faith in people. Everything, and you wish for nothing more than that they will love you back tenfold.

The problem with you is that you were so blinded that you couldn't realize the simplest thing. Of course you never figured me out. It's so goddamn simple. I will love you back if you love me too.

Wanderlust Queen

My simplest pleasures in life as of late consist of not having to wake up at 7:30 a.m., watching obscure 90s' rom-com movies (we're not talking about Sleepless in Seattle or When Harry Met Sally - we're talking old school John Cusack and Sarah Jessica Parker pre-Sex&theCity/wart days)... and finally, scotch! Yessir, scotch. I've become a big fan of Johnnie Walker Red Label these past few days and have enjoyed having a glass every night before I go to bed. The first taste of scotch I've ever had was freshman year of college. I was over at some unknown house in some part of Washington with some guy and he had handed me a cup with the slightest dash of scotch that was 100 years old. It tasted like class in my mouth. (That's what she said.)

As of right now, I am having a glass of scotch for Uhmerika's birthday. Later on tonight, I will be attending a rooftop party to catch the fireworks go off from Gasworks/the Space Needle from Katy's apartment roof. Her view is amazing, and easily without a doubt the best view in the city. To your right you have the Seattle skyline, behind you is a view of Bellevue and Lake Washington, to your left you have Mount Rainier. So perfect.

This is the most relaxed I've been in a few weeks. How can summer be so stressful? Marine biology + the spectator + richard hugo house= not enough time to dick around

Aubrey leaves on Monday for New Zealand. It's a sad day in Seattle to see her leave. Capitol Hill block party is coming up. SONIC YOUTH IS PERFORMING. So fucking STOKED beyond fucking belief. I have also renewed my account for World of Warcraft - do not laugh. Since I will be gone a good chunk of August, I was forced to drop the World of Warcraft class that I really wanted to take (it was supposed to be my communications elective). So, before I become completely disconnected from the world for a whole month, I am revamping old pleasures and gaining new ones.

I have very high expectations for the upcoming trip. I hope it will quench my terrible case of wanderlust that I've been harboring these past few months - or at least tide me over until I study abroad in the upcoming school year.

Here's to only two more weeks of summer school and then seeing Sonic Youth perform live, Chicago, and then Passion Pit on Aug 7.




I do not feel guilty about this at all. You walked out on me long before I said anything. I like that he thinks I'm pretty. Is that so wrong? This could be fun. Nothing serious, right? Maybe you could fix me. That'd be nice before you leave too. They always run.