Monday, December 1, 2008

Memorable quotes

I am too lazy to blog about my week down in beautiful sunny California, so I shall instead post up memorable quotes that I thought were fackin' hilarious.

Memorable family quotes from the Huynhs' when I saw them for only about fifteen hours on Saturday post-shitfaced-drunken-Mexico:
Mother: Carolyn, I got your sister the new iPod, you know the one with the GPS system installed!
Carolyn: That's great mother, that's fabulous. You got her a $400 shit-for-balls contraption whose only purpose is to dull the minds of the mass hordes of robots. AND YOU COULDN'T BUY ME A PLANE TICKET HOME??

Sister: You know, I missed you.
Carolyn: We'll talk about this later.

Father: Oh, Carolyn! Hello! How are you!
Carolyn: Oh you know, I just got back home from being away for four months, no biggie.
Father: Ah! I'm going to get some wine.

Grandmother: Are you hungry?
Carolyn: No grandmother, I am not hungry, I already ate with my friends.
Grandmother: So, are you hungry?

Mother: My god, Carolyn! Your ears! Why do you have so many earrings in them? You look ridiculous. Why is it that every time you come home, you've changed something about yourself? Do you remember the blonde hair last time? Cause, I unfortunately still do!

Sister: Yo, Carolyn, you want some leftover champagne from last night?
Carolyn: No, I don't think I feel comfortable drinking in front of Mom and Dad.
Sister: Yo Mom, can Carolyn drink the champagne?
Mother: Oh, okay! You can. But be careful, Carolyn. I myself, had three glasses yesterday and I just had the most awful headache this morning.
Carolyn: It's called a hangover, Mother. You get used to it after awhile.
Grandmother interjects: Pour me a glass too!

Father: Do you have a ride to the airport in the morning?
Carolyn: I was hoping, you know, since you are the man that has fathered me for the past nineteen years of my life, that you'd be kind enough to give me a ride to LAX in the morning.
Father: Oh... I don't know about that.

Memorable quotes from Mexico:
Christina: *slaps Carolyn awake at the border* Wake up, Carolyn, quickly! I need $1.50 to buy cotton candy!
Carolyn: Are you being serious right now? You fucking wake me up when I was completely passed out from the alcohol... to give you money, to BUY YOU COTTON CANDY??

Thyvu: Someone is walking home tonight. And I think we all know who it's going to be. *looks at Carolyn*

Thyvu: Can I just have water?
Mexican waiter: We don't have anymore water. Let me suggest a blended lemon margarita?

Memorable quotes from Thanksgiving dinner:
Gorgeous French Man #1: I will always remember you as the small, drunk girl.
Carolyn: Goddamn right you will.

Carolyn: It smells like horny to me.
Christina: Oh god...

Carolyn: Can you do the French inhale?
Gorgeous French Man #1: Ze what? I don't think it's called the French inhale...
Carolyn: Wuddya talkin' about! OF COURSE IT IS!

I was born in California, grew up in Seattle, and is waiting for New York City. And I owe it all to my family of alcoholics, my ridiculous friends, and a few good people that believe in me.


Amrit said...

your family sounds hilarious.

ella said...

my fav is def the margarita one. so funny.