Dear Carolyn

I see that you once again awoke this morning with crusty eyes, a pounding headache, mouth reeking of champagne and Pabst Blue Ribbon, and clutching your baby pillow with all your might. You disgust me. However, I congratulate you on Obama's win - I know how much that meant to you. Although, I see you have gone back on your word and did NOT show up to class again this morning for the 4th straight week. Do you have no shame? Did Obama's win not inspire you to get up and do good in the world? What the fuck happened? PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Look at your sorry state. NO MAN WOULD WANT YOU NOW.

I would also like to comment that you have regained peace with Seattle - although there is still tension in the air over issues that are currently sans resolutions - you and Seattle have come together through nonpartisan means to live in peace together. For right now. It's very big of you. Until you bomb the space needle in a fury of outrage for still being single after 19 years. But you know, that's between you and Seattle.

I would like to apologize though, on behalf of California. For Ellen and Portia and for all your lesbian/gay friends that are currently drowning their sorrows with a guy named Jack Daniels and are slowly losing hope for their future back in your home state (and in Washington). I just wanted to tell you - don't lose faith. Obama's win was great for the country (and the world), but I am fairly confident that things will be different from now on; he won't let us down. California was a setback and I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to vote NO on Prop 8, but you got a chance to vote for Obama - baby steps, baby. Baby steps. Your friends deserve a chance to be happy, to be in love, and I know you'll fight long and hard by their sides until they get that equal footing as everybody else (as it should've been in the first place).

By the by, I thought it was hilarious that for someone in your sorry state of appearances - you are allowed to walk right into bars and order drinks. Just LOOK at you! You don't look anything at all like your fake i.d. picture! You look like you are twelve! And yet! And yet! You were able to order a Barack Attack and consume it in under 5 minutes. Then, oh, I laughed so hard when you walked right into Neumos and ordered a sour whiskey and watched the election briefly yesterday. The bouncer even called you out on your fake! He laughed, you laughed, he let you in, you got stinkin' pissed out of your mind and roared with the crowd whenever Obama appeared on screen and booed with the crowd whenever McCain appeared. Oh, it was so hilarious. Although, I am slightly concerned for your liver. I think you may be a little bit of an alcoholic. Just a little. And, you're kinda racist. You're a racist, alcoholic consuming little Asian girl. Who cannot hold their liquor.

But no! You didn't stop at the many bars you went to! You scurried home right away to break open some champagne with your gal pals, didn't cha? Then you went to see the play DRUNK as hell. You had absolutely no idea what the play was about, did you? You make me sad. Alas though, such good news rang in the air when you recieved a text message from your pal that confirmed Obama's win. SUCH JOY! You quickly scurried back to the apartment, passing people honking their horns, shouting, laughing, popped a bottle of champagne and toasted his win with the people you love the most. Then you got stinkin' drunk again. Oh, but this time it was so much better. You were drunk with your amazing friends. You guys thus proceeded to tallyho out into the world, get into the car, play Forever by Chris Brown on repeat, drive down Broadway - and because you were so pissed out of your mind, you stuck your head out the sunroof and screamed OBAMAAAA!!!!!!! and the people responded! Oh, I have never seen such joy! The peoples were laughin', dancin', singing', pissin' in the streets. The people were JOYOUS and they had come together for one night to celebrate the victory of not just one man, but for the victory of the citizens of Lady Liberty. Seattle truly was amazing last night. Admit it, you kinda love Seattle again, don't you? Yeah, I know you do.

Chin up, kid. Life ain't so bad, now is it? Last night proved it. I'll tell you why you're so happy. It's a little thing called hope. Don't let go of that feeling - it'll save your fucking ass one day.


Just do me a favor, will ya? Start going to classes. And for fuck's sake, clean yourself up and pull yourself together. You look like a homeless man.


Your pal,
Carolyn K. Huynh