Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dear Lisa Chang

Hello, Lisa Chang.
I just wanted to preface this by saying that even though I'm not quite sure what you think of me sometimes; I know that deep down you really lo** me (I won't actually type out the emotion). Despite the eye rolls, the glares, the sarcastic comments thrown in my direction, the guffaws at my incapability at being able to make anything edible (i.e. almost burning the apartment down by trying to microwave bagel bites/ eating plastic and raw bacon because I was so hungry) - I know you think that even though I am a strange creature still stuck in the 90s - you find me absolutely delightful. I brighten up your world with my paranoia and drunkeness.

I am glad that you are my roommate. It makes things a lot easier to have you a few feet away. For some reason, my body is wired to be able to fine tune when you are cooking something - even if I am outside smoking or in my room in the dark watching anime - I can ALWAYS tell when you turn the stove on. This causes a chain reaction, making me get up quickly, put some pants on, and run out to the kitchen and awkwardly hover by your side until you sigh really loudly, turn around, and ask "would you like some?" - and I go, "what? I didn't know you were cooking, Lisa Chang, of course I would like some! Thank you very much for asking!"

Not only does your cooking keep me alive and slightly more healthy then usual, but you are just so damn clean. I have NEVER met anyone so obsessed with being clean. I have never met anyone that sprays perfume on their sheets before going to bed. Of course, being the goofball that I am, I take your perfume bottle and instead of spraying only two small sprays that allows a lovely smell to float and linger - I spray half the bottle - thus causing Aubrey Jackson, the person forced to live with me within the confines of our small little room - to start coughing wildly and unable to breathe properly.

I admire you, Lisa Chang. You actually get up in the morning. This baffles me. I haven't left the apartment in weeks - including going to classes and going to work. I will occasionally get up to smoke a cigarette (maybe); but you have trained yourself with your fucking alarm clock system that wakes everybody up in the house. As annoying as it is, we are all scared shitless to confront you about this obnoxious system. So, you may continue Lisa Chang, with your 5 different alarm clock system.

As my only Republican friend, I must say you certainly exude all the symptons of a gal from a Republican family in LA. Everyone in the house often jokes about your obsession with prescription pills and collecting magazines. Do you just hole yourself up in your room and pop pills and go through magazines while cutting pictures out? Even though you have stopped drinking and smoking - you have found other methods to escape the world. While it may not be as obnoxious as Aubrey and I's filthy drunkeness or Sarah's addiction to pot (yes, I used the word addiction because it is true) - it's still pretty damn funny.

I am often reminded of one of the very first things that you said to me in the beginning of our friendship: "I don't know why I like you." I constantly bring this up even though you hate it when I mention that line bcause it just rings with truth. We have nothing in common. You are fabulous. And I? I am merely a lowly peasant. Alas though! Opposites attract! You find me strange and entertaining and I find you an oddball of miscellaneous quirks that I just don't understand. For example, we just don't understand why you don't just walk outside in your lingerie all the time. The world needs to see you like everybody in the house does - in La Perla panties and bras. It's just such a waste on us. Instead of turning us on, you make us feel ashamed of our unhealthy habits and our inability to be as fabulous as you. I am reminded of the time when Cherlaine opened the bathroom door to find you in your bra and she cowers in fright! She screams! And she averts her eyes because she knows if she stares any longer at Aphrodite she'll crumble into dust!

But Lisa Chang, not only are you a pill-popping lingerie-wearing neat freak, but you also have balls. You actually went outside in your bathrobe (the fucking bathrobe!) and confronted the neighbors and told them to be quiet. Best sleep of my life. Sometimes I truly wish you were a man. You'd make an awesome guy - even in your bathrobe (the fucking bathrobe!).

Even though you hate sharing, I am reminded of the one night you allowed me to crawl into your bed and sleep with you. I shivered the entire night because everytime I tried to pull the blanket over me, you somehow shift positions and take the measly little corner I was able to nab away from me. As much as you despise sharing, I awoke that morning fully wrapped like an eskimo in your blanket. I have never felt so much love for you then at that moment. You knew I had shivered the entire night and was shoved against the wall - but alas! I awake to find myself fully covered in your blanket! Such an act of kindness from Lisa Chang is possible!

I was thus able to form an understanding about our relationship from that night:
I shall willingly suffer throughout an entire night in the cold just to be able to awake in your blanket. Because it smells so damn good.

Your pal,
Carolyn K. Huynh

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