Thursday, May 21, 2009

Baby, it's you

No one is more culpable for my misfortune than myself. I take full responsibility. Life is getting more cumbersome by the minute. More awkward. I am clumsy with my hands. And with men.

I slept through my Spectator interview today. I closed my eyes for a minute and when I awoke it was 8 pm. Fan-bloody-tastic. I also did not win the banner competition for communication students. I came in second place. Not first. Some freshman beat me. (Pure hokum, I know.) In case you are wondering, this post is just me festering in my own self-pity. You are not obligated to continue reading past this point.

My continuous stream of misery has stemmed from the unfortunate corollary of heartbreak. In my haste, I've sought comfort in ways that haunt me at night and render me sleepless. Let's be frank, I am sad and have been for a very long time. Everyone sees it. I see it. I am sad. Though, there has been supposition that I have finally been swallowed completely by apathy and lethargy. I wish that was the reason behind my demeanor as of late.

In light of recent events that have made me question my role as a woman - I still honest to God just miss you dearly, as a woman does and should. I just can't win. I can't move on. I have tried and failed miserably. I should hate you. I should curse your very being. But I can't. I do not know why. Je ne sais pas. But I can't because it's just not true.

List of things I would say if I ever see you again/run into you:
-How are you?
-How's life?
-Are you working?
-Tu me manque. Est-ce que je te manque?
-How's school?
-Ready for summer?

Tomorrow, I get my drum set from Trading Musicians. I am excited to drum again. I have not toyed with a drum set since my sophomore year of high school when I begged my mom to allow me to take drum lessons. I am also looking forward to Folk-Life this weekend. I have never gone before. Darth Vader's Rage Theory plan on covering Skinny Love sometime this weekend. It's going to sound so sick with the drums.

I have replaced all attempts at coitus for learning world capitals and music (if you can call Darth Vader's Rage Theory music). For example, Montevideo is the capital of Uruguay. My knowledge of world capitals along with my lexicon has been greatly expanded. Why is this? I have nothing better to do with my time but to try and occupy my thoughts as best as I can. A woman involved in unrequited love does bizarre things. Like OD'ing on Miyazaki films and watching Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Whispers of the Heart within the past few nights. Possibly Nausica tonight as well. Along with a sad attempt at starting my history essay.

You will be successful in love. And a bottle filled to the brim with potable booze. Cheers to this weekend.

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