Tuesday, February 17, 2009

this is ridiculous

two pills of XR is going haywire in my body. I have never been more distracted in my entire fucking life. what, this is the 3rd post today? maybe because I have a lot on my mind, so it sticks on one topic and focuses intensely on it and then it'll immediately jump to the next one within the next hour and I'll contemplate on it for a longass time... meanwhile, my studying goes untouched. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I shouldn't have taken two pills. I feel so sick. thank god I didn't chase it with pabst. my body is shaking and I dry heaved about an hour ago. something is wrong. now I just can't sleep, my mind is racing. I've said this already. class starts at 10. fuckkk. i hate two hour classes. then after class, i have to drive Aubrey to her dentist appointment. come back, go to another two hour class. meet up with group after class. pretend to care about group presentation. go back to bed, study for wednesday's midterm, but sleep early so I can wake up for my 7 a.m. dentist appointment before going to class. come back. take the world's fattiest nap. awake. take only 10 mg of XR this time to study for socil midterm on thursday. after thursday at 3:30 p.m., the world won't see me. I'm crashing for three days and sleeping in. nothing and nobody will matter to me. not even alcohol. I just want to be alone, in the dark, and sleep forever.

after another round of forced contemplation and wreckless abandon of trying to memorize communication theories - I've decided to graduate in a year. I'm not going to minor in anything. I'm going to take 15 credits this summer at SU so I can leave by this time next year. I'm getting the hell out of Seattle. I may take the extra year to work/volunteer/travel/drink/etc. but that's the plan. I've been debating this topic for a long time now. I really don't want to minor in anything. I don't want to double major. I just want to get my undergraduate degree and call it a day. This means I won't be trasnferring to UW. Why bother? It'll just take me 5 years to graduate instead of 3. I probably won't be leaving Seattle (the city) for awhile though - not until I secure a job, pay off some student loans, save up enough money so I can go to grad school in another city. I've finally made a decision about this. I'll graduate college by the time I'm 20 - then I'm thrown into the real world before I hit 21. That's fucking scary. But I'm forcing myself to buckle down and git er done - cause I'm done with college. I was done with college fall freshmen quarter.

Now I just sound like a crazy rambling woman. You shoudl see me type this blog - fingers are flying at warped speed.

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