Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"It's just pizza, kid."

I just came back from a 10 hour shift from working for The Man. The Man is known as Dominos. Dominos is Corporate America. Carolyn is another ant working for the fat pregnant queen bee. I am tired as fuck. I have no life. I wake up, go to classes, come home, take a nap, work late into the night, come back, take another nap - repeat. Hell, I've been so tired and busy that I haven't had time to blog lately. Now that's just absurd- I ALWAYS find time to blog!

Well, I've picked the worst opportune time to blog. I have class in 7 hours and an essay due. I foresee a dragged out all-nighter. I feel like crying. Wudda a load on my plate. I am officially trying a hand at a so-called balanced life: school, work, relationship, friendships, social obligations... it's a trying time and I am exhausted. The idea of waking up in the morning to begin another day kills me a little bit inside. I do all of this to afford the "good" life: the ability to be financially independent from my parents. Such shit. I am so tempted to quit, call up the folks and ask them to send me a fatty check. But what good would that do? I'm nineteen. I'm not 14 anymore. It's time to grow up. Suck it up: work hard, study hard, and play hard.

I am making hella bank though. I get around $30-60 in tips a night. I enjoy the company of my co-workers, being able to smoke in my car, explore Seattle, listen to my own music and experience the joy of getting a nice fatty tip. The people that work at Dominos are an interesting bunch... I have become quite chummy with the other fellow drivers. They treat me like one of their own. I think they find me a little amusing though. A small, frail, woman delivery driver. One of a kind. They are beyond nice to me and I am grateful for not getting a bunch of douchebags; instead they tell me all the little secrets on how to navigate around the city in a more efficient way and they always have my back. I have become good friends with the two Indian drivers - they are always happy to see me! It's a nice feeling. I have also become friends with a UW kid, he's 22 and married. Who on earth gets married at 22? And get this - he married a Vietnamese girl. lol. The white guy and the asian girl stereotype again. Hilarious. These people are quite a bunch of characters and I enjoy their company immensely.

Everytime I walk into Dominos, I feel like I'm learning some great big important life lesson. Pay attention, Carolyn - the universe is trying to tell you something. First of all, let me state the obivous. The cheapest people in the world aren't jews. They're fat black guys that order Dominos late at night and never tip you. NEVER. They count out the EXACT amount - right to the penny, and they say "have a good one" and stare at you until you leave. I've learned my lesson tonight. Don't ever loiter around a fat black man hoping they'll grudgingly cave and give you a couple of dollars - it ain't gonna happen. I've already tried it many times.

Second, according to Kevin (who lives in Wallingford ,whose favorite movie is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and whose idol is Hunter S. Thompson), he told me the world's greatest advice that I've ever heard in my entire fucking life: "It's just pizza, kid." Isn't that just fucking mindblowing? It IS just fucking pizza! For some reason, when he said those words to me, I just got this big slap in the face epiphany eat your heart out self-deprecating whiny little girl: it is just fucking pizza - not the end of the world.

I have definitely explored enough of Seattle... eastlake, montlake, judkins park, capitol hill, downtown, ballard... fuck. People are lazy as hell. It's called carryout. jesus.

This job definitely has it's perks. Mediterreanean Express has been one of my favorite Seattle haunts to grab a bite to eat at ... and now I get to eat there for FREE. "For you kid, everything here is on the house," Kristal, the head chef and manager. "For the new Domino's delivery driver." Even Tacos Guyamos is being really nice to me as well - everyone always waves to me everytime I get dispatched and walk past their window. Free food and tips. I never have to go hungry again.

I already have quite a few interesting stories under my belt. A guy I delivered to a few days ago actually rang up Dominos again, ordered another pizza and requested that I delivered it. Everyone in the whole fucking room starting laughing. They thought it was the funniest thing. I guess they never had someone request a driver before. Another similiar incident - I had to deliver an order to 410 4th Ave, which is apparently a fucking correctional facility lol. So, the guy, "Harris" comes out, gives me the money, grabs his shit, and grudgingly gives me a dollar in tip and walks inside. I go back to Dominos, I get another order to deliver to the exact same place. 410 4th ave. The order is from a "Jim". I go back, go inside the scary place filled with bad people that have done bad things, and it's the same guy. "Jim" is "Harris". "Harris" is "Jim." He just wanted to see me again. jesus lol. Seattle, you're crazy.

I am debating if I shoudl take a fatty nap before I attemp this essay. It's 3:30 a.m. and I hate my life.

But then again, it's just pizza, right?


kelsey. said...

wow...that is mind blowing...
theyre just crepes......holy shit!

TomatoOnWheat said...

you are becoming the female ethan hawk circa reality bites

catherine said...


i miss Carolyn.

eliza vladimir. said...

in my line(s) of work, i can't really do that.
"they're just kids." or "they're just people with developmental disabilities."

yeah... bummer for me, i guess.

Marco said...

oh wait.
that's little ceaser.