Dear Cherlaine

I see that you've come over to the dark side and have entered the World of Warcraft; I congratulate you on your slow descent on becoming a certified spinster such as myself. Good work.
Now, let's move on to business.

Did you think you can just sit there on your computer and cut my character down bit by bit and not get away with it? Ho ho ho, I do believe this is war, my friend.
I suppose I could go the generic route and call you a whore, lesbian, hipster piece of trash, etc etc... there are just so many words to describe your personality. But no, I prefer to be classy about this. Afterall, I didn't turn out to be the person I am today without so much class. (Your mom.)
I think I can express my disdain towards your nasty-ass face in Warcraft-speak. I, beautiful, charming witty young gal that I am, is of course in Alliance. Why is this? Not only am I fighting on the good side, but I am a very strapping level 7 gnome. You, however, belong on the other side. HORDE. An explanation as to why you belong on the dark side of the moon isn't really needed. (Orc, Troll, Undead, Forsaken, Blood Elves, Tauren... I mean c'mon, it's self-explanatory. Hell, you don't even need to create your own character, they just use a real picture of you as the poster-child for the Trolls.)

Everytime I see you walk around the corner, I feel like a young freshman girl in high school who just so badly wants to fit into that size 2 skirt to impress the quarterback of the football team. In other words, you make me want to stick my head into the toilet and vomit.

Your pal,
Carolyn K. Huynh

P.S. Cuddle session would be lovely!