I am attempting to make a slow reemergence back into the blogosphere. I do know not know why, considering I pump out about three articles a week on top of school and work, mayhaps because this writing is only for me?
I am unsure if I will be creating marathon blogs as I am known for, but maybe just quick jots of my thoughts throughout the day. Think of it as a lengthier version of my Twitter account. I don't think anyone still reads this anymore nor have I made an announcement to my (one) reader, but I think it's better that way. You can be my audience for now.
Recommendations: I suggest everyone listen to Broken Bells and the newest Cave Singers album. They are both on repeat because it is fabulous. Cave Singers is more for welcoming spring and summer, Broken Bells is more for getting drunk to. I highly suggest listening to "Citizen" from Broken Bells and "Summer Light" from Cave Singers (am also currently learning this song on guitar!).
Updates: Nabbed a job for the City of Seattle. Officially registered as a public affairs minor (my quick stint as a computer science major resulted in me dropping the class after the first half hour). Newest writer for CapitolHillSeattle.com--check out my articles! I will be slowly trying to create a network throughout the hill and maybe trying to find a beat I can follow. Still writing for The Spectator. Am now a Gates Student scholar and will be going to my first seminar tomorrow and doing field work on family homelessness in Seattle--I am a weird coalesce of nerves and excitement. My official title is assistant producer for PBS Newshour with Jim Lehrer...damn! UC Berkeley here I come! Be impressed! Please! (Or U of Chicago) kthx.
I think for the first time I am excited for the future. Spring will bring Sasquatch, more 21st birthday celebrations, roommate birthday celebrations, weddings, geez, who knows what else? Summer will be spent in India with one of my favorite professors. 3 weeks with her, 2 additional weeks traveling througout southern India just on our own. May I be forever blessed with the luxury on being able to travel and see such beauty in the world! Should I bring my traveling guitar? Or is that too much...
One more year in college. Thank goodness.
Hm, I believe that is it for now. I am obviously procrastinating, but at least this was a good distraction.
Flash mob dance practice tomorrow--Saturday is when they show up for three secret locations in Sesattle. Will u b participatin'?
Your pal,
Carolyn
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A how-to guide on accepting Frump
You can usually tell when you wake up in the morning exactly what kind of day it is. I usually coin this day as "Frump Day". What "Frump Day" usually entails is the innate knowledge that you are generally going to have a bad day--emotionally and superficially. No matter how much makeup you put on or how many times you attempt to curl your hair, nothing is going to change fatum. Generally, I would advise most Frumpers not to leave the house. Avoid it at all cost, you are not doing anyone a favor by appearing outside--especially your reputation (if you even have any). Don't even expect cat-calls from homeless men; and they are usually your best fanbase [them and immigrants].
Don't, I repeat, do NOT complain to your significant other. There is only so much that they can take. In the past, I've used up all my "obligatory compliments" that you usually get without fail and complaint from your boyfriend or girlfriend. This golden age is known as the "Puppy stage", it is a freebie--this is the stage where you compliment each other endlessly. My mistake was going past "Puppy stage" into Grandma and Grandpa status. Every Frump Day, I would turn to my boyfriend of currently 6 months and tell him how frumpy I look today. The first time was cute. The next 10 or 20 times was not so cute. If you are accepting of your mediocrity, expect at least 29 out of the usual 30 days in a month to be frump days. However, do not expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to be understanding past the second day. He/She does not care. The more reasons that you tell them about how terrible you look--the more they will take it into consideration on dumping yo' fat ass. So take heed and shut up. No one wants to hear about Frump Day, remember you don't really matter that much in the grand scheme. Just be grateful that someone loves you. And if you are not currently in a relationship, I suggest you stay single. It's not all that cracked up to be.
The cure to Frump Day usually consists of hanging out with your most successful and most beautiful friends. Be warned, your self-esteem could take a big dive. Drink lots of alcohol smoke lots of cigarettes (but remember, you are trying to quit and the more you smoke the more Frumpy you are going to become as each drag weathers you down bit by bit). You surround yourself with normal and active people because it is a reminder that you are not like them at all. You were never voted most attractive or most likely to succeed in high school. You aren't the trophy wife nor are you going to work for Google. What you are, is part of the mediocre class. You enjoy going to iHop for dinner and you enjoy instant Netflix. You aren't ugly but you aren't terrible looking either. You have a snarky personality that most people like to talk to but don't necessary enjoy your company for long periods at a time.
I am one of the lucky ones, I have a boyfriend that doesn't mind that I am a Frump, but that's because I've blinded him with my winning personality. This method may not work all the time, but you can keep trying (I suppose).
I speak for all the Frumps in the world: Embrace the Frump. Don't let the Frump get to you. Go work your office job and file away everyday. At least you have a job. Don't ever aim high; stay within your cubicle and for god's sake, whatever you do, don't ever watch Bridget Jones (don't fit the stereotype!).
Peace,
Carolyn.
Don't, I repeat, do NOT complain to your significant other. There is only so much that they can take. In the past, I've used up all my "obligatory compliments" that you usually get without fail and complaint from your boyfriend or girlfriend. This golden age is known as the "Puppy stage", it is a freebie--this is the stage where you compliment each other endlessly. My mistake was going past "Puppy stage" into Grandma and Grandpa status. Every Frump Day, I would turn to my boyfriend of currently 6 months and tell him how frumpy I look today. The first time was cute. The next 10 or 20 times was not so cute. If you are accepting of your mediocrity, expect at least 29 out of the usual 30 days in a month to be frump days. However, do not expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to be understanding past the second day. He/She does not care. The more reasons that you tell them about how terrible you look--the more they will take it into consideration on dumping yo' fat ass. So take heed and shut up. No one wants to hear about Frump Day, remember you don't really matter that much in the grand scheme. Just be grateful that someone loves you. And if you are not currently in a relationship, I suggest you stay single. It's not all that cracked up to be.
The cure to Frump Day usually consists of hanging out with your most successful and most beautiful friends. Be warned, your self-esteem could take a big dive. Drink lots of alcohol smoke lots of cigarettes (but remember, you are trying to quit and the more you smoke the more Frumpy you are going to become as each drag weathers you down bit by bit). You surround yourself with normal and active people because it is a reminder that you are not like them at all. You were never voted most attractive or most likely to succeed in high school. You aren't the trophy wife nor are you going to work for Google. What you are, is part of the mediocre class. You enjoy going to iHop for dinner and you enjoy instant Netflix. You aren't ugly but you aren't terrible looking either. You have a snarky personality that most people like to talk to but don't necessary enjoy your company for long periods at a time.
I am one of the lucky ones, I have a boyfriend that doesn't mind that I am a Frump, but that's because I've blinded him with my winning personality. This method may not work all the time, but you can keep trying (I suppose).
I speak for all the Frumps in the world: Embrace the Frump. Don't let the Frump get to you. Go work your office job and file away everyday. At least you have a job. Don't ever aim high; stay within your cubicle and for god's sake, whatever you do, don't ever watch Bridget Jones (don't fit the stereotype!).
Peace,
Carolyn.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Rise up
First blog post of fall quarter - soon to be winter quarter (thank goodness)
I do not know why I am writing in this now. The ultimate procrastination tool is to blog... and I am definitely not in the mood to finish this philosophy paper on Thus Spoke Zarathustra right now.
So what hearts? What news? Speak, young love!
If you ask me tomorrow, I would say yes. Stupid answer, but the answer remains the same nonetheless. We are young and in love, and yes, we are both very stupid.
I am purchasing a plane ticket to New Orleans for spring break. Getting funky in the French quarter district and sleeping in hostels. I expect southern hospitality and good authentic street jazz.
I am spending Thanksgiving with Alex's family in Olympia. He insists on me being there (though I have a deep fear of meeting the 'family') - I have no idea how he puts up with me. We plan on bringing some kind of apple fennel pudding to the dinner. Very all-American, I know - but his family is definitely all-American.
Reconsidering my career (what else is new). Working for the Spectator has given me a new perspective on journalism - more like an epiphany. I am once again, at a lost. (Again, what else is new!)
To graduate by fall quarter 2010 or not? That is the big question.
I do not know why I am writing in this now. The ultimate procrastination tool is to blog... and I am definitely not in the mood to finish this philosophy paper on Thus Spoke Zarathustra right now.
So what hearts? What news? Speak, young love!
If you ask me tomorrow, I would say yes. Stupid answer, but the answer remains the same nonetheless. We are young and in love, and yes, we are both very stupid.
I am purchasing a plane ticket to New Orleans for spring break. Getting funky in the French quarter district and sleeping in hostels. I expect southern hospitality and good authentic street jazz.
I am spending Thanksgiving with Alex's family in Olympia. He insists on me being there (though I have a deep fear of meeting the 'family') - I have no idea how he puts up with me. We plan on bringing some kind of apple fennel pudding to the dinner. Very all-American, I know - but his family is definitely all-American.
Reconsidering my career (what else is new). Working for the Spectator has given me a new perspective on journalism - more like an epiphany. I am once again, at a lost. (Again, what else is new!)
To graduate by fall quarter 2010 or not? That is the big question.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Dear Seattle
You've been good to me this summer so far. It's a shame I have to leave you when I get on that plane tonight - just when everything was going swimmingly well.
A woman's life is built on a history of affections. I am proud to say that I was in love once; despite the end result. For the past few months I was going through bouts of depression with Fleetwood Mac as company in the background. The loss of anyone that has deeply affected your life is a shame that brings such sorrow. (And no, I am not talking about a boy.)
There is a deep emotional connection among women. That is why I love them. They cry more easily, they get upset, they become self-conscious, and when they love - they goddamn love. There is an intrinsic understanding among all of us that the art of becoming a woman comes with genuine heartache sometimes - whether it is given to us from a man or one of our one.
I am humbled and honored to be among such great women that have taught me well in the verses of affection. I like the word affection. Always have. It's on the same level as 'exhausted'. 'Exhausted' and 'Affection' are both great words. These girls are not just another carbon-copy of Sex and the City. It has become more than that these past few months, and I will miss them dearly.
Someone once told me I would make a great feminist. I hardly believe that.
I just simply don't avert my eyes anymore in a man's world. I am a woman by birth. (Ani DiFranco)
I hope that within the next month, I am able to revamp my fallen spirituality. I hope to rid myself of apathy and never again succumb to the evil traps of my bed and the glory that is instant NetFlix. I hope that when I come back, I am a stronger, well traveled and more educated Asian-American woman. To be given the chance to discover yourself as well as America is a rare and beautiful occurrence. Of course self-discovery can also be seen as bullshit coming from someone in their early 20s' (not even yet) but who honestly gives a shit?
The midwest is foreign to me, as I am to it.
I wish everyone in Seattle fair winds and following seas. I will see all of you in a month and regale you with stories of my tomfoolery in dirty-jazz Chicago bars all the way to the wide open fields of Wisconsin.
-Carolyn
A woman's life is built on a history of affections. I am proud to say that I was in love once; despite the end result. For the past few months I was going through bouts of depression with Fleetwood Mac as company in the background. The loss of anyone that has deeply affected your life is a shame that brings such sorrow. (And no, I am not talking about a boy.)
There is a deep emotional connection among women. That is why I love them. They cry more easily, they get upset, they become self-conscious, and when they love - they goddamn love. There is an intrinsic understanding among all of us that the art of becoming a woman comes with genuine heartache sometimes - whether it is given to us from a man or one of our one.
I am humbled and honored to be among such great women that have taught me well in the verses of affection. I like the word affection. Always have. It's on the same level as 'exhausted'. 'Exhausted' and 'Affection' are both great words. These girls are not just another carbon-copy of Sex and the City. It has become more than that these past few months, and I will miss them dearly.
Someone once told me I would make a great feminist. I hardly believe that.
I just simply don't avert my eyes anymore in a man's world. I am a woman by birth. (Ani DiFranco)
I hope that within the next month, I am able to revamp my fallen spirituality. I hope to rid myself of apathy and never again succumb to the evil traps of my bed and the glory that is instant NetFlix. I hope that when I come back, I am a stronger, well traveled and more educated Asian-American woman. To be given the chance to discover yourself as well as America is a rare and beautiful occurrence. Of course self-discovery can also be seen as bullshit coming from someone in their early 20s' (not even yet) but who honestly gives a shit?
The midwest is foreign to me, as I am to it.
I wish everyone in Seattle fair winds and following seas. I will see all of you in a month and regale you with stories of my tomfoolery in dirty-jazz Chicago bars all the way to the wide open fields of Wisconsin.
-Carolyn
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
500 Days of You
Lately, I am finding life to be getting more odd by the minute. I am unsure of how to handle things. I am clumsy with my words and my posture - please do not mistake it for charm. I know you are though, despite my indifference. You know, I think Seattle is one of the funniest cities I've ever been to/lived in. In one day, you can meet someone new and spend all day talking to them till midnight while bumping into Mistake #4 sitting outside reading at Cafe Vita. (Yes, you have become nothing more than a funny anecdote I tell people at parties. Be proud, you always make for a good topic of conversation - who else is that crazy??)
Summer school is officially over. I really hope I passed marine bio. Sadly though I only get to spend one week of it celebrating in Seattle. As Christina eloquently calls it.. "The Great American Road Trip" will commence in a week and a half. I CANNOT wait.
Saw the midnight showing of Harry Potter (I never miss a midnight showing). Movie was decent. Awkward, but decent. Jesus Christ though, when did everyone grow up to become xxxtremely hawt?
On the subject of newly released cinema... also just got back from seeing 500 days of Summer tonight. FANTASTIC movie. I recommend it to anyone that is not a robot and can convey basic human emotions: aka laughing and crying. It's a great post-break-up movie for anyone that has gotten out of a life-changing but unhealthy relationship. Though I might get slightly annoyed if The Smiths suddenly makes a 'popular' comeback because of this movie - if you're a loyal fan, you've always been a loyal fan and have never stopped listening to them.
In the past two months, I have met more people in Seattle than I have the past two years of going to Seattle U. Isn't that odd? Why is it that I connect so well with people who DON'T go to SU? Yes, I admit I have my qualms with the SU crowd - but who doesn't?. There is a thick veil that separates me from liking most of the general populous at SU; maybe because I feel disenchanted by their views on certain things and on how they can't seem to handle 'real life' very well. Oh well, I'm glad I'm meeting new people and actually connecting with them. I like being able to talk about LOTR for hours on end and which Wes Anderson film is the best. Silly dumb unpretentious shit that doesn't really matter but ends with the both of us laughing over a cup of coffee. I very much enjoy being around the company of awkward yet amiable people.
Anyway, enough on that topic.
More exciting news though. Will be attending The Treasure Island Music Festival in SAN FRANCISCO come October. VERY EXCITED. To get there... you have to get on a boat to get to the island. FANTASTIC. CAPS LOCK.
Okay, so the lesson(s) of this blog:
-Go see the newest Harry Potter for hot people and because it's Harry fucking Potter
-go see 500 Days of Summer if you need some help recovering from a bad break-up
-be good and do good - despite shitty circumstances. the universe has a funny way of rewarding you.
-everyone loves The Onion. People can talk about that shit for hours.
-listen to Regina Spektor. I find her good summer music accompaniment
-avoid Cafe Vita if you don't want any awkward run-ins
- and last but not least...
always remember that Seattle is a magical city. :)
Peace and love.
Summer school is officially over. I really hope I passed marine bio. Sadly though I only get to spend one week of it celebrating in Seattle. As Christina eloquently calls it.. "The Great American Road Trip" will commence in a week and a half. I CANNOT wait.
Saw the midnight showing of Harry Potter (I never miss a midnight showing). Movie was decent. Awkward, but decent. Jesus Christ though, when did everyone grow up to become xxxtremely hawt?
On the subject of newly released cinema... also just got back from seeing 500 days of Summer tonight. FANTASTIC movie. I recommend it to anyone that is not a robot and can convey basic human emotions: aka laughing and crying. It's a great post-break-up movie for anyone that has gotten out of a life-changing but unhealthy relationship. Though I might get slightly annoyed if The Smiths suddenly makes a 'popular' comeback because of this movie - if you're a loyal fan, you've always been a loyal fan and have never stopped listening to them.
In the past two months, I have met more people in Seattle than I have the past two years of going to Seattle U. Isn't that odd? Why is it that I connect so well with people who DON'T go to SU? Yes, I admit I have my qualms with the SU crowd - but who doesn't?. There is a thick veil that separates me from liking most of the general populous at SU; maybe because I feel disenchanted by their views on certain things and on how they can't seem to handle 'real life' very well. Oh well, I'm glad I'm meeting new people and actually connecting with them. I like being able to talk about LOTR for hours on end and which Wes Anderson film is the best. Silly dumb unpretentious shit that doesn't really matter but ends with the both of us laughing over a cup of coffee. I very much enjoy being around the company of awkward yet amiable people.
Anyway, enough on that topic.
More exciting news though. Will be attending The Treasure Island Music Festival in SAN FRANCISCO come October. VERY EXCITED. To get there... you have to get on a boat to get to the island. FANTASTIC. CAPS LOCK.
Okay, so the lesson(s) of this blog:
-Go see the newest Harry Potter for hot people and because it's Harry fucking Potter
-go see 500 Days of Summer if you need some help recovering from a bad break-up
-be good and do good - despite shitty circumstances. the universe has a funny way of rewarding you.
-everyone loves The Onion. People can talk about that shit for hours.
-listen to Regina Spektor. I find her good summer music accompaniment
-avoid Cafe Vita if you don't want any awkward run-ins
- and last but not least...
always remember that Seattle is a magical city. :)
Peace and love.
Friday, July 17, 2009
fuck
5 more hours until my marine bio final. I am now starting to study for it. fuck.
My nose bled today. It was odd. First time that has happened to me since... well, since, I was a kid really.
My article came out on the Spectator. I like seeing my name in print. It makes me feel important.
You stood me up...? I hate men.
Harry Potter fangirl fanatic has once again emerged from high school years. I told myself to never reveal my true self in college. I am actually a stark-raving mad fangirl. I even wrote fanfiction once. This is why I am single.
I really need to pass this test.
My nose bled today. It was odd. First time that has happened to me since... well, since, I was a kid really.
My article came out on the Spectator. I like seeing my name in print. It makes me feel important.
You stood me up...? I hate men.
Harry Potter fangirl fanatic has once again emerged from high school years. I told myself to never reveal my true self in college. I am actually a stark-raving mad fangirl. I even wrote fanfiction once. This is why I am single.
I really need to pass this test.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
romance
Somewhere I have Never Traveled, Gladly Beyond
by E.E. Cummings
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
,your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
one of my favorites. I want someone to say that line to me "nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."
romance isn't poetry or grand gestures. it isn't a trip to Italy or Paris. romance is commitment. it's the throwdown. it is the ugly and everything in between. the sheets. and you showing up at my front door after an argument.
I often forget that this blog is not private.
by E.E. Cummings
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
,your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
one of my favorites. I want someone to say that line to me "nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."
romance isn't poetry or grand gestures. it isn't a trip to Italy or Paris. romance is commitment. it's the throwdown. it is the ugly and everything in between. the sheets. and you showing up at my front door after an argument.
I often forget that this blog is not private.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I am sorry about what went down tonight, with every fiber of my being. Nobody should go through that. Nobody.
You put your faith in people. Everything, and you wish for nothing more than that they will love you back tenfold.
The problem with you is that you were so blinded that you couldn't realize the simplest thing. Of course you never figured me out. It's so goddamn simple. I will love you back if you love me too.
You put your faith in people. Everything, and you wish for nothing more than that they will love you back tenfold.
The problem with you is that you were so blinded that you couldn't realize the simplest thing. Of course you never figured me out. It's so goddamn simple. I will love you back if you love me too.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Wanderlust Queen
My simplest pleasures in life as of late consist of not having to wake up at 7:30 a.m., watching obscure 90s' rom-com movies (we're not talking about Sleepless in Seattle or When Harry Met Sally - we're talking old school John Cusack and Sarah Jessica Parker pre-Sex&theCity/wart days)... and finally, scotch! Yessir, scotch. I've become a big fan of Johnnie Walker Red Label these past few days and have enjoyed having a glass every night before I go to bed. The first taste of scotch I've ever had was freshman year of college. I was over at some unknown house in some part of Washington with some guy and he had handed me a cup with the slightest dash of scotch that was 100 years old. It tasted like class in my mouth. (That's what she said.)
As of right now, I am having a glass of scotch for Uhmerika's birthday. Later on tonight, I will be attending a rooftop party to catch the fireworks go off from Gasworks/the Space Needle from Katy's apartment roof. Her view is amazing, and easily without a doubt the best view in the city. To your right you have the Seattle skyline, behind you is a view of Bellevue and Lake Washington, to your left you have Mount Rainier. So perfect.
This is the most relaxed I've been in a few weeks. How can summer be so stressful? Marine biology + the spectator + richard hugo house= not enough time to dick around
Aubrey leaves on Monday for New Zealand. It's a sad day in Seattle to see her leave. Capitol Hill block party is coming up. SONIC YOUTH IS PERFORMING. So fucking STOKED beyond fucking belief. I have also renewed my account for World of Warcraft - do not laugh. Since I will be gone a good chunk of August, I was forced to drop the World of Warcraft class that I really wanted to take (it was supposed to be my communications elective). So, before I become completely disconnected from the world for a whole month, I am revamping old pleasures and gaining new ones.
I have very high expectations for the upcoming trip. I hope it will quench my terrible case of wanderlust that I've been harboring these past few months - or at least tide me over until I study abroad in the upcoming school year.
Here's to only two more weeks of summer school and then seeing Sonic Youth perform live, Chicago, and then Passion Pit on Aug 7.
I do not feel guilty about this at all. You walked out on me long before I said anything. I like that he thinks I'm pretty. Is that so wrong? This could be fun. Nothing serious, right? Maybe you could fix me. That'd be nice before you leave too. They always run.
As of right now, I am having a glass of scotch for Uhmerika's birthday. Later on tonight, I will be attending a rooftop party to catch the fireworks go off from Gasworks/the Space Needle from Katy's apartment roof. Her view is amazing, and easily without a doubt the best view in the city. To your right you have the Seattle skyline, behind you is a view of Bellevue and Lake Washington, to your left you have Mount Rainier. So perfect.
This is the most relaxed I've been in a few weeks. How can summer be so stressful? Marine biology + the spectator + richard hugo house= not enough time to dick around
Aubrey leaves on Monday for New Zealand. It's a sad day in Seattle to see her leave. Capitol Hill block party is coming up. SONIC YOUTH IS PERFORMING. So fucking STOKED beyond fucking belief. I have also renewed my account for World of Warcraft - do not laugh. Since I will be gone a good chunk of August, I was forced to drop the World of Warcraft class that I really wanted to take (it was supposed to be my communications elective). So, before I become completely disconnected from the world for a whole month, I am revamping old pleasures and gaining new ones.
I have very high expectations for the upcoming trip. I hope it will quench my terrible case of wanderlust that I've been harboring these past few months - or at least tide me over until I study abroad in the upcoming school year.
Here's to only two more weeks of summer school and then seeing Sonic Youth perform live, Chicago, and then Passion Pit on Aug 7.
I do not feel guilty about this at all. You walked out on me long before I said anything. I like that he thinks I'm pretty. Is that so wrong? This could be fun. Nothing serious, right? Maybe you could fix me. That'd be nice before you leave too. They always run.
Monday, June 29, 2009
summer in the city
Pictures are from:
-Kerry Park in Queen Anne
-Summer Solstice Parade
3 more weeks of summer school.
5 more weeks till epic road trip from LA to Chicago
6 more weeks till seeing PASSION PIT perform at House of Blues in Chicago.
and three extra weeks of searching for the elusive American Dream from Milwaukee all the way to wherever Yusuf aka Cat Steven's Wind takes us.
I have decided to push back graduation. I'm going to be done fall quarter of 2010 instead of spring. I'm going to do study abroad instead. I'm thinking... Prague, Sweden, Ghana or Brussels.
Summer in the city, I'm so lonely lonely lonely
I've been hallucinating you, babe, at the backs of other women
And I tap on their shoulder and they turn around smiling
But there's no recognition in their eyes.
Peace and love. Happy Summerin'.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
bio
Carolyn Huynh is a junior at Seattle University and is currently working towards a B.A. in journalism. Her aspirations consist of writing faux journalism for The Onion and penning an Oprah Book Club-worthy novel. She is not interested in The New York Times. She enjoys traveling, the environment, freerice.com, science-fiction, and pretending that she is actually going to make it in life.
This was the hardest thing I ever had to write. I didn't even make it to 200 words. I know nothing about myself. I don't know what my interests or hobbies are. I do not know why I am going into journalism. Or why I like writing. I did however feel like the world's biggest douche trying to write this. Very Charlie Kaufman circa Adaptation. Narcissism at its greatest.
I am currently in Stumptown stealing internet (I forgot what life without internet is like. I feel like a raging philistine.)
I am battling allergies left and right. My immune system has forsaken me. I am susceptible to everything now. Dirt, air, dust, idiocy, the outside world in general.
Anyway, summer solstice parade was awesome. It was the closet thing I'm going to get to any action this summer. Being pervy and watching a bunch of old nekkid people riding around on bikes.
My life is sad. I'm off on a quest to see if any photo specialist can get my film developed. (It had gotten overexposed in my Ricoh and Walgreen's was unable to mend it. :(. Very disappointing.)
This was the hardest thing I ever had to write. I didn't even make it to 200 words. I know nothing about myself. I don't know what my interests or hobbies are. I do not know why I am going into journalism. Or why I like writing. I did however feel like the world's biggest douche trying to write this. Very Charlie Kaufman circa Adaptation. Narcissism at its greatest.
I am currently in Stumptown stealing internet (I forgot what life without internet is like. I feel like a raging philistine.)
I am battling allergies left and right. My immune system has forsaken me. I am susceptible to everything now. Dirt, air, dust, idiocy, the outside world in general.
Anyway, summer solstice parade was awesome. It was the closet thing I'm going to get to any action this summer. Being pervy and watching a bunch of old nekkid people riding around on bikes.
My life is sad. I'm off on a quest to see if any photo specialist can get my film developed. (It had gotten overexposed in my Ricoh and Walgreen's was unable to mend it. :(. Very disappointing.)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Carry on, Wayward Woman
What is the point of blogs/blogging? Yeah, they're supposed to be America's salvation, a public diary of sorts, the poster child for the first amendment, the murderer of print media... whatever. Am I so narcissistic to believe that people actually want to read about my boring plebian lifestyle? People write in blogs because they couldn't get published anywhere else. True story. Got rejected from The New Yorker when I was 16. But then again everyone gets rejected from the New Yorker. It's just the poor writer's excuse to continue to wallow in self-pity. Hell, I've been using the same excuse for four years.
I've become a cliche. A hackneyed hack of a human being. Wait, stop me if I'm being my cyclical cynical self! :)!
I return to Seattle tomorrow. I am not sure if I want to leave (first time that feeling has ever crept into my mindset). I feel comfortable here. Sheltered. I stay up till 6 in the morning, puttering around my room, reading sci-fi books by the fistful, watching instant-play Netflix movies with Xxxtina's account... See, here in my old childhood room, I don't have to deal with stupid people. I don't have to deal with dumb boys or crazy girls - all my troubles have been stored away in Seattle.
For the first time in my life, I feel quite content with California. I will miss everyone dearly - this past week has been bizarre and has made me [metaphorically] teary-eyed thinking about leaving.
My family is still the same. A gathering of the oddest group of people to ever be categorized as a family. They are all still suffering from self-esteem issues, paranoia, bi-polarism, depression, etc ... and just recently I have found out, high-blood pressure. Family's family. And once again, my dog is still the only sane one out of the bunch. I will miss them all. Affection isn't something we Huynhs' like to practice, but there is a silent understanding amidst all the yelling and sarcastic comments that we care for each other. (I think.)
I start school again on Monday. Will it never cease! My grades for this past quarter were once again, mediocre. Straight B's and one B+. Doing the bare minimum has lost its appeal to me. Don't let my apathetic exterior fool you, I actually do want to be successful in life. And yes, I do want to get into law school. I am an intelligent person, I just never purposely chose to utilize it towards my educational career. I need to raise my GPA. I can't wait to be done with Seattle in a year. If all goes well, and I actually man up and take control of my life - I will hopefully be studying in Boston soon enough.
I still cannot believe that I'm a junior. In college. I turn 20 in September (I know, I'm young). My god. Now isn't the time for an Alex Kasper mid-life crisis moment. But holy shit? Everyone I know turns 21 this year. I can now go bar hopping with friends instead of with Drug Lord of Seattle U. This excites me to no end. Fwiends are nice.
Boo to summer school. Yay for everything else. I am volunteering at Richard Hugo House for ZAPP publishing this summer. STOKED. Will also continue sad quest for summer job. Pumped for road trip. Christina's sister, Crystal, is moving to Chicago - so she has given us (aka Dumb and Dumber) the task of moving her Prius from LA to Chicago. 2077 miles nonstop. Crossing 6 or 7 states. Lots of booze. No money for motels. Dirty as hell. Should be a riot. Will probably spend a week in Chicago and then visit neighboring cities. I assume... Omaha, Milwaukee (we can visit the cabin where Bon Iver locked himself up in!), Cincinnati, Minneapolis - though I really want to go to Mississippi, but that might be out of the way.. I estimate at least a month of traveling looking for that flighty temptress, the so-called American Dream.
Ah! it is 3:23 in the morning. I have wasted precious time from watching episodes of Death Note.
Seattle, I will see you later.
To end this pointless blog on a cuter note:
Buckley says hello. : )
I've become a cliche. A hackneyed hack of a human being. Wait, stop me if I'm being my cyclical cynical self! :)!
I return to Seattle tomorrow. I am not sure if I want to leave (first time that feeling has ever crept into my mindset). I feel comfortable here. Sheltered. I stay up till 6 in the morning, puttering around my room, reading sci-fi books by the fistful, watching instant-play Netflix movies with Xxxtina's account... See, here in my old childhood room, I don't have to deal with stupid people. I don't have to deal with dumb boys or crazy girls - all my troubles have been stored away in Seattle.
For the first time in my life, I feel quite content with California. I will miss everyone dearly - this past week has been bizarre and has made me [metaphorically] teary-eyed thinking about leaving.
My family is still the same. A gathering of the oddest group of people to ever be categorized as a family. They are all still suffering from self-esteem issues, paranoia, bi-polarism, depression, etc ... and just recently I have found out, high-blood pressure. Family's family. And once again, my dog is still the only sane one out of the bunch. I will miss them all. Affection isn't something we Huynhs' like to practice, but there is a silent understanding amidst all the yelling and sarcastic comments that we care for each other. (I think.)
I start school again on Monday. Will it never cease! My grades for this past quarter were once again, mediocre. Straight B's and one B+. Doing the bare minimum has lost its appeal to me. Don't let my apathetic exterior fool you, I actually do want to be successful in life. And yes, I do want to get into law school. I am an intelligent person, I just never purposely chose to utilize it towards my educational career. I need to raise my GPA. I can't wait to be done with Seattle in a year. If all goes well, and I actually man up and take control of my life - I will hopefully be studying in Boston soon enough.
I still cannot believe that I'm a junior. In college. I turn 20 in September (I know, I'm young). My god. Now isn't the time for an Alex Kasper mid-life crisis moment. But holy shit? Everyone I know turns 21 this year. I can now go bar hopping with friends instead of with Drug Lord of Seattle U. This excites me to no end. Fwiends are nice.
Boo to summer school. Yay for everything else. I am volunteering at Richard Hugo House for ZAPP publishing this summer. STOKED. Will also continue sad quest for summer job. Pumped for road trip. Christina's sister, Crystal, is moving to Chicago - so she has given us (aka Dumb and Dumber) the task of moving her Prius from LA to Chicago. 2077 miles nonstop. Crossing 6 or 7 states. Lots of booze. No money for motels. Dirty as hell. Should be a riot. Will probably spend a week in Chicago and then visit neighboring cities. I assume... Omaha, Milwaukee (we can visit the cabin where Bon Iver locked himself up in!), Cincinnati, Minneapolis - though I really want to go to Mississippi, but that might be out of the way.. I estimate at least a month of traveling looking for that flighty temptress, the so-called American Dream.
Ah! it is 3:23 in the morning. I have wasted precious time from watching episodes of Death Note.
Seattle, I will see you later.
To end this pointless blog on a cuter note:
Buckley says hello. : )
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
My fellow Americans
"The press is the enemy. The establishment is the enemy. The professors are the enemy."
-Richard Nixon
Changing my major. The press is the enemy. So are the two journalism professors I've managed to piss off. I have managed to make enemies with the smallest department at SU. There are only three journalism professors and two of them aren't too keen on me (there were many reasons at play, I do not wish to divulge what I said/did/etc. It is not my fault they think I am an insolent self-righteous prick with a laissez-faire attitude on constructive criticism.) The other one is leaving next year on sabbatical (and she was the only one that thought I had the chops to make it). Right now, I am either considering going into political science or computer science. Poli sci majors are usually douches. Computer science majors like to program. I am a douchebag and like to mess around with coding. Perfect. I am still taking the LSATs in December, so my douchebag level will only be intensified with time. It was inevitable that I would eventually succumb to the inner douche inside of me.
Thank the Alpha and the Omega that this quarter is over. While I am leaving journalism behind next school year, I ironically got hired by the Spectator to be on their staff for the 09-10 school year. $900-1000 a quarter? I'll take it. If I can't defend myself in a classroom, I'll defend myself through a Jesuit-run school newspaper.
I leave for California in two days. Am more than happy to be out of this hell-hole and leave behind a life of insolvency for a full-size bed, bad tv, familiar faces, my dog, and a mother who will give me money to buy food. No more cruddy bed sans a bed frame, no more one-meal-a-day, no more sad attempts at scouting for a job... no more college cliches, si'l vous plait. Though, I am coming back in a week, so it's not like I can escape this shitty life 4ever. An unmediated vacation is always nice though. A protracted vacation would be nicer.
Current interests:
-sci-fi. Watched the entire season of Firefly in one day. Loved it. Reminded me a lot of Cowboy Bebop. And I love Cowboy Bebop. Am going back to the basics of sci-fi. i.e. reading Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card.
-Star Trek. Okay, I hate to be one of those people that suddenly become interested in a cult-classic because they made a blockbuster movie out of it and slapped on a high-profile director - but goddamnit, that movie was so good it made me interested in the series. I have seen a few episodes, but they were more of background noise for me while I did homework in high school. This time, it has my full attention. "Damnit Jim! I'm a doctor not a physicist!" Classy.
-Harry Potter. Am returning to my roots. Reread the 7th book in two days. Starting on the 6th book now. Sort of going in reverse? You know: Harry kills Voldemort, Dumbledore dies, Harry kisses the Asian chick, Cedric dies, Harry finds out he has a godfather, Harry kills a big snake, Harry finds out he's a wizard. All that good stuff.
Wow, I am a nerd..?
Off to Shinka to study for a bit. Afterwards will be going to the gun range tonight with Aubs, Cherl, and Alex S. to hold and shoot a gun for the first time. It's ladies night - free rentals.
There are only two sure ways to kill a man: with a woman or with a .45 caliber gun. Choose your weapon.
-Richard Nixon
Changing my major. The press is the enemy. So are the two journalism professors I've managed to piss off. I have managed to make enemies with the smallest department at SU. There are only three journalism professors and two of them aren't too keen on me (there were many reasons at play, I do not wish to divulge what I said/did/etc. It is not my fault they think I am an insolent self-righteous prick with a laissez-faire attitude on constructive criticism.) The other one is leaving next year on sabbatical (and she was the only one that thought I had the chops to make it). Right now, I am either considering going into political science or computer science. Poli sci majors are usually douches. Computer science majors like to program. I am a douchebag and like to mess around with coding. Perfect. I am still taking the LSATs in December, so my douchebag level will only be intensified with time. It was inevitable that I would eventually succumb to the inner douche inside of me.
Thank the Alpha and the Omega that this quarter is over. While I am leaving journalism behind next school year, I ironically got hired by the Spectator to be on their staff for the 09-10 school year. $900-1000 a quarter? I'll take it. If I can't defend myself in a classroom, I'll defend myself through a Jesuit-run school newspaper.
I leave for California in two days. Am more than happy to be out of this hell-hole and leave behind a life of insolvency for a full-size bed, bad tv, familiar faces, my dog, and a mother who will give me money to buy food. No more cruddy bed sans a bed frame, no more one-meal-a-day, no more sad attempts at scouting for a job... no more college cliches, si'l vous plait. Though, I am coming back in a week, so it's not like I can escape this shitty life 4ever. An unmediated vacation is always nice though. A protracted vacation would be nicer.
Current interests:
-sci-fi. Watched the entire season of Firefly in one day. Loved it. Reminded me a lot of Cowboy Bebop. And I love Cowboy Bebop. Am going back to the basics of sci-fi. i.e. reading Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card.
-Star Trek. Okay, I hate to be one of those people that suddenly become interested in a cult-classic because they made a blockbuster movie out of it and slapped on a high-profile director - but goddamnit, that movie was so good it made me interested in the series. I have seen a few episodes, but they were more of background noise for me while I did homework in high school. This time, it has my full attention. "Damnit Jim! I'm a doctor not a physicist!" Classy.
-Harry Potter. Am returning to my roots. Reread the 7th book in two days. Starting on the 6th book now. Sort of going in reverse? You know: Harry kills Voldemort, Dumbledore dies, Harry kisses the Asian chick, Cedric dies, Harry finds out he has a godfather, Harry kills a big snake, Harry finds out he's a wizard. All that good stuff.
Wow, I am a nerd..?
Off to Shinka to study for a bit. Afterwards will be going to the gun range tonight with Aubs, Cherl, and Alex S. to hold and shoot a gun for the first time. It's ladies night - free rentals.
There are only two sure ways to kill a man: with a woman or with a .45 caliber gun. Choose your weapon.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
gonzo journalism? more like cute journalism.
This is Carolyn Huynh reporting for cute journalism. I'm pretty proud of this video - considering we had 4 weeks to work on it and I did it all in 4 days. It's pretty rough, but you get the idea.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Farewell New York
Watch the last episode of Leno as host for The Tonight Show. He interviews Conan O'Brien before Conan goes on tomorrow night as the new host. James Taylor is the musical guest.
Cheesy ending. Good interview. Am shocked that I was slightly sad towards the end of the episode. I never much liked Leno - I always preferred Conan's snarky interview-honing skills, but 17 years is a long time to dedicate yourself to a show (or to anything).
Fun fact about Carolyn. In my four years of high school, I never missed a single episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Re-runs and all. I would never leave the house until after the show was over - or I would completely forgo leaving and just stay in. What came first? The misery or the Adonis that is Conan O'Brien? Was my high school experience miserable because of Conan - or was I miserable before I met Conan? Did my quasi-jungian persona surface because of this man? Or was my pessimism and apathy just faux characteristic flaws that I created for myself to avoid social interaction?
We may never know. All I know is that Conan goes on tomorrow night.
I need to find a T.V. to watch it on. Anybody out there in the 206 area willing to give me a seat on their couch to watch the premiere tomorrow?
Please, for the love of Conan and all that is good out there let me watch the show!
Cheesy ending. Good interview. Am shocked that I was slightly sad towards the end of the episode. I never much liked Leno - I always preferred Conan's snarky interview-honing skills, but 17 years is a long time to dedicate yourself to a show (or to anything).
Fun fact about Carolyn. In my four years of high school, I never missed a single episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Re-runs and all. I would never leave the house until after the show was over - or I would completely forgo leaving and just stay in. What came first? The misery or the Adonis that is Conan O'Brien? Was my high school experience miserable because of Conan - or was I miserable before I met Conan? Did my quasi-jungian persona surface because of this man? Or was my pessimism and apathy just faux characteristic flaws that I created for myself to avoid social interaction?
We may never know. All I know is that Conan goes on tomorrow night.
I need to find a T.V. to watch it on. Anybody out there in the 206 area willing to give me a seat on their couch to watch the premiere tomorrow?
Please, for the love of Conan and all that is good out there let me watch the show!
Weekend Warriors
What did I learn this weekend... I am apparently unapproachable and intimidate people. This is not news to me. I make people nervous. I still do not know the reason why though. Nor have I uttered the willpower to actually care.
Friday:
-Went to a party in Ballard to celebrate Alex W.'s 20th birthday. Do not remember much. Woke up with smeared eyeliner and very drunk.
Saturday:
-Had dinner with my very good friend, Justin from California and spent hours talking and catching up with him. It was comforting. Cathartic even.
What else did I learn? Any life lessons? Life changing epiphanies? The dichotomy between science and God? The reason why Leno is still on the air? Or Carson Daly for that matter?
Not really, no. What I've learned is that a pomegranate cosmo cocktail at Rock Bottom costs $10 - I did not know this until I got the check. I also came to the realization that I am over bullshit. I'm done waiting and have chosen to officially move on. He does not love me. Hard words to swallow, but I accept it. Talking to Justin was a friendly reminder of who I was in high school and who I am now. I guess I'm a woman now. I have matured into my looks and the person I had hoped to become when I was 13. Man, was I dorky-looking in high school. Braces, big ol' glasses, terrible hair, real scrawny kid. A real geek.
What am I now? I have yet to decide. Hopefully, I am part of the GNP party. Genuinely Nice People party.
Peace and love to everyone. The weekend ain't over yet.
See, the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad.
So, please, please, please let me get what I want.
Friday:
-Went to a party in Ballard to celebrate Alex W.'s 20th birthday. Do not remember much. Woke up with smeared eyeliner and very drunk.
Saturday:
-Had dinner with my very good friend, Justin from California and spent hours talking and catching up with him. It was comforting. Cathartic even.
What else did I learn? Any life lessons? Life changing epiphanies? The dichotomy between science and God? The reason why Leno is still on the air? Or Carson Daly for that matter?
Not really, no. What I've learned is that a pomegranate cosmo cocktail at Rock Bottom costs $10 - I did not know this until I got the check. I also came to the realization that I am over bullshit. I'm done waiting and have chosen to officially move on. He does not love me. Hard words to swallow, but I accept it. Talking to Justin was a friendly reminder of who I was in high school and who I am now. I guess I'm a woman now. I have matured into my looks and the person I had hoped to become when I was 13. Man, was I dorky-looking in high school. Braces, big ol' glasses, terrible hair, real scrawny kid. A real geek.
What am I now? I have yet to decide. Hopefully, I am part of the GNP party. Genuinely Nice People party.
Peace and love to everyone. The weekend ain't over yet.
See, the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad.
So, please, please, please let me get what I want.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Fuck my mediocre life
I am so disgusted at my time-management skills [or lack of]. Crunch time is all the time for me as of late. Am pretty much done with this quarter. Sick of school. Sick of where I live. Sick of being unemployed loser bum. It is 1 a.m. and I have finally buckled down to start this article that is due tomorrow at 1 p.m.
As of late, my interests have been aimed towards:
-Krautrock [interesting genre. experimental funk? That's how I would describe it.]
-young Morrissey pictures
-rummaging Value Village and Everyday Music for good deals on CDs. Just recently acquired the LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack for 2.99. Life is so good.
-attempting to watch everything that Miyazaki has worked on/breathed on. Nausicaa was good. Totoro not so much.
-happy hour is every hour
-Tao Lin
-LSAT prep. fuck.
-several failed attempts at trying to purchase plane ticket for home but have realized that I need money to do so. possibly will be going home June 10/11-19th and will return forthwith to the Emerald City for summer school.
I've decided to only take one summer class - potentially another one, have yet to decide. Will work all summer. Save money. Road trip/couch surfing with Xxxtina to Chicago, Twin Cities and Cleveland this summer within a two-week span. Maybe another city if we can squeeze it in... Virginia? Am excited to live in Seattle this summer and travel to some of Uhmerika's greatest cities. This is Uhmerika, goddamnit.
P.S. The iphone nano? You are ridic, Apple.
As of late, my interests have been aimed towards:
-Krautrock [interesting genre. experimental funk? That's how I would describe it.]
-young Morrissey pictures
-rummaging Value Village and Everyday Music for good deals on CDs. Just recently acquired the LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack for 2.99. Life is so good.
-attempting to watch everything that Miyazaki has worked on/breathed on. Nausicaa was good. Totoro not so much.
-happy hour is every hour
-Tao Lin
-LSAT prep. fuck.
-several failed attempts at trying to purchase plane ticket for home but have realized that I need money to do so. possibly will be going home June 10/11-19th and will return forthwith to the Emerald City for summer school.
I've decided to only take one summer class - potentially another one, have yet to decide. Will work all summer. Save money. Road trip/couch surfing with Xxxtina to Chicago, Twin Cities and Cleveland this summer within a two-week span. Maybe another city if we can squeeze it in... Virginia? Am excited to live in Seattle this summer and travel to some of Uhmerika's greatest cities. This is Uhmerika, goddamnit.
P.S. The iphone nano? You are ridic, Apple.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Baby, it's you
No one is more culpable for my misfortune than myself. I take full responsibility. Life is getting more cumbersome by the minute. More awkward. I am clumsy with my hands. And with men.
I slept through my Spectator interview today. I closed my eyes for a minute and when I awoke it was 8 pm. Fan-bloody-tastic. I also did not win the banner competition for communication students. I came in second place. Not first. Some freshman beat me. (Pure hokum, I know.) In case you are wondering, this post is just me festering in my own self-pity. You are not obligated to continue reading past this point.
My continuous stream of misery has stemmed from the unfortunate corollary of heartbreak. In my haste, I've sought comfort in ways that haunt me at night and render me sleepless. Let's be frank, I am sad and have been for a very long time. Everyone sees it. I see it. I am sad. Though, there has been supposition that I have finally been swallowed completely by apathy and lethargy. I wish that was the reason behind my demeanor as of late.
In light of recent events that have made me question my role as a woman - I still honest to God just miss you dearly, as a woman does and should. I just can't win. I can't move on. I have tried and failed miserably. I should hate you. I should curse your very being. But I can't. I do not know why. Je ne sais pas. But I can't because it's just not true.
List of things I would say if I ever see you again/run into you:
-Hello.
-How are you?
-How's life?
-Are you working?
-Tu me manque. Est-ce que je te manque?
-How's school?
-Ready for summer?
Tomorrow, I get my drum set from Trading Musicians. I am excited to drum again. I have not toyed with a drum set since my sophomore year of high school when I begged my mom to allow me to take drum lessons. I am also looking forward to Folk-Life this weekend. I have never gone before. Darth Vader's Rage Theory plan on covering Skinny Love sometime this weekend. It's going to sound so sick with the drums.
I have replaced all attempts at coitus for learning world capitals and music (if you can call Darth Vader's Rage Theory music). For example, Montevideo is the capital of Uruguay. My knowledge of world capitals along with my lexicon has been greatly expanded. Why is this? I have nothing better to do with my time but to try and occupy my thoughts as best as I can. A woman involved in unrequited love does bizarre things. Like OD'ing on Miyazaki films and watching Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Whispers of the Heart within the past few nights. Possibly Nausica tonight as well. Along with a sad attempt at starting my history essay.
You will be successful in love. And a bottle filled to the brim with potable booze. Cheers to this weekend.
I slept through my Spectator interview today. I closed my eyes for a minute and when I awoke it was 8 pm. Fan-bloody-tastic. I also did not win the banner competition for communication students. I came in second place. Not first. Some freshman beat me. (Pure hokum, I know.) In case you are wondering, this post is just me festering in my own self-pity. You are not obligated to continue reading past this point.
My continuous stream of misery has stemmed from the unfortunate corollary of heartbreak. In my haste, I've sought comfort in ways that haunt me at night and render me sleepless. Let's be frank, I am sad and have been for a very long time. Everyone sees it. I see it. I am sad. Though, there has been supposition that I have finally been swallowed completely by apathy and lethargy. I wish that was the reason behind my demeanor as of late.
In light of recent events that have made me question my role as a woman - I still honest to God just miss you dearly, as a woman does and should. I just can't win. I can't move on. I have tried and failed miserably. I should hate you. I should curse your very being. But I can't. I do not know why. Je ne sais pas. But I can't because it's just not true.
List of things I would say if I ever see you again/run into you:
-Hello.
-How are you?
-How's life?
-Are you working?
-Tu me manque. Est-ce que je te manque?
-How's school?
-Ready for summer?
Tomorrow, I get my drum set from Trading Musicians. I am excited to drum again. I have not toyed with a drum set since my sophomore year of high school when I begged my mom to allow me to take drum lessons. I am also looking forward to Folk-Life this weekend. I have never gone before. Darth Vader's Rage Theory plan on covering Skinny Love sometime this weekend. It's going to sound so sick with the drums.
I have replaced all attempts at coitus for learning world capitals and music (if you can call Darth Vader's Rage Theory music). For example, Montevideo is the capital of Uruguay. My knowledge of world capitals along with my lexicon has been greatly expanded. Why is this? I have nothing better to do with my time but to try and occupy my thoughts as best as I can. A woman involved in unrequited love does bizarre things. Like OD'ing on Miyazaki films and watching Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Whispers of the Heart within the past few nights. Possibly Nausica tonight as well. Along with a sad attempt at starting my history essay.
You will be successful in love. And a bottle filled to the brim with potable booze. Cheers to this weekend.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
kills me how great this is
that line... 'go find another lover - to bring and to string along'. one hell of a classy line. I should have thrown it at your face yesterday in a blaze of glory. Instead, I chose profanity and the palm of my hand.
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